Principles for Parenting Young Children
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
-Proverbs 22:6
1. The greatest gift parents give their children is a godly, committed, warm marriage. You were together before they came and you’ll be together after they go. If they never get grossed out by seeing you kiss, you're doing something wrong. (This, sadly, isn't always possible — but it's worth pursuing when it is)
2. Parenting is an “always on” job. It’s often difficult, hard work. Get over it. The pain is worth it. Sure, you'd love a bunch of days off — but those only come on the rare days you literally have a vacation without them. Embrace it.
3. Kids respond to their parents’ presence as much or more than what their parents say. Are you calm, measured, joyful, thoughtful, and self-controlled? Or are you anxious, dramatic, short-fused, reactive, and on an emotional roller-coaster? Kids sense the difference and respond accordingly.
4. Have very few rules and enforce them every time. If it’s worth disciplining once, it’s worth disciplining every single time. If it’s not worth disciplining every single time, then it probably shouldn’t be a rule.
5. Train toward first-time obedience. Do not give warnings, threats, or count to three—it just trains them to delay obedience (which is disobedience). Give few options, clear and short instructions, and set them up for success. If they wait or delay or rebel, there are consequences.
6. Dads are the spiritual and relational thermostat in the home. They set the temperature (whether good or bad). Godly dads reject passivity, accept responsibility, and lead courageously.
7. Treat them with high respect, but low autonomy. These kids are image-bearers of God, and you will know them eventually for longer as friends. So treat them with utmost respect. But when they're young, don't give them much autonomy. They don't get to decide what to eat or wear. You can start tight and loosen later, but you usually can't go the other way.
8. Children thrive with consistency and boundaries. They need consistent expectations, rules, bedtimes, nap times, etc. They actually want boundaries. Lots of fun can be had within the confines of a sandbox, but total flexibility = anarchy.
9. Read to your kids. A lot. Snuggle up. Read fun books. Read educational books. Read silly books. Read the Jesus Storybook Bible. Read, read, read. Deep down, they want this more than they want electronics, cool experiences, or organized activities. They want and need their mom and dad to give them focused time and attention.
10. Remember the gospel. You will blow it. You will sin against your spouse and your kids. Confess those sins to Jesus. Trust that his life, death, and resurrection are sufficient for you. You are not in good standing with God on the basis of your parental love, but on the basis of God’s.
-Proverbs 22:6
1. The greatest gift parents give their children is a godly, committed, warm marriage. You were together before they came and you’ll be together after they go. If they never get grossed out by seeing you kiss, you're doing something wrong. (This, sadly, isn't always possible — but it's worth pursuing when it is)
2. Parenting is an “always on” job. It’s often difficult, hard work. Get over it. The pain is worth it. Sure, you'd love a bunch of days off — but those only come on the rare days you literally have a vacation without them. Embrace it.
3. Kids respond to their parents’ presence as much or more than what their parents say. Are you calm, measured, joyful, thoughtful, and self-controlled? Or are you anxious, dramatic, short-fused, reactive, and on an emotional roller-coaster? Kids sense the difference and respond accordingly.
4. Have very few rules and enforce them every time. If it’s worth disciplining once, it’s worth disciplining every single time. If it’s not worth disciplining every single time, then it probably shouldn’t be a rule.
5. Train toward first-time obedience. Do not give warnings, threats, or count to three—it just trains them to delay obedience (which is disobedience). Give few options, clear and short instructions, and set them up for success. If they wait or delay or rebel, there are consequences.
6. Dads are the spiritual and relational thermostat in the home. They set the temperature (whether good or bad). Godly dads reject passivity, accept responsibility, and lead courageously.
7. Treat them with high respect, but low autonomy. These kids are image-bearers of God, and you will know them eventually for longer as friends. So treat them with utmost respect. But when they're young, don't give them much autonomy. They don't get to decide what to eat or wear. You can start tight and loosen later, but you usually can't go the other way.
8. Children thrive with consistency and boundaries. They need consistent expectations, rules, bedtimes, nap times, etc. They actually want boundaries. Lots of fun can be had within the confines of a sandbox, but total flexibility = anarchy.
9. Read to your kids. A lot. Snuggle up. Read fun books. Read educational books. Read silly books. Read the Jesus Storybook Bible. Read, read, read. Deep down, they want this more than they want electronics, cool experiences, or organized activities. They want and need their mom and dad to give them focused time and attention.
10. Remember the gospel. You will blow it. You will sin against your spouse and your kids. Confess those sins to Jesus. Trust that his life, death, and resurrection are sufficient for you. You are not in good standing with God on the basis of your parental love, but on the basis of God’s.
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